Porch - Almost Mother of the Bride

Almost mother of the bride

By Dickie Anderson, For the News-Leader



All parents want their children to get married and be happy, and, of course, deliver grandchildren. Those of us with unmarried children long for the perfect match. Some of us have dreamed of matching our unmatched. Attempts are made but are rarely successful.

Planning a wedding is a challenge. The variables are endless. Do we like the spouse? Do we like the spouse's parents? Can we get the church? Can we find a place for the reception that has not been booked years in advance? Who will pay for what? And sometimes the biggest problem of all - finding the dress. Not the wedding dress. The mother-of-the-bride or mother-of-the-groom's dress.

My experience has been limited to being the mother of the groom - twice. In both cases, my friends were quick to remind me that I was possibly the least important person in the wedding party. Just keep your mouth shut and wear beige, they said. I tried. I really tried. Beige does not work for me.

When a friend began to plan her only daughter's wedding, I was quick to volunteer. It would be the closest I would ever get to being a mother-of-the-bride. Before we knew it, we had a group of mother-of-the-bride wannabees and named our group the Wedding Belles.

Poor bride. She is far away, while her mother and the Belles are busy planning the perfect wedding. When we call with our latest idea she is quick to slow us down or just say no. She wants blue, lots of flowers and a beautiful sunset over the marsh at the reception. We're working on it.


The bride is a beautiful, sparkling blond like her mother and promises to be a picture perfect bride. Mother and daughter are close and talk often, especially as the special day gets closer. It will be a beautiful traditional wedding. The Belles are full of ideas and have been busy pulling pictures out of magazines and setting sample tables. First the church service and then, as the sun sets over the marsh, a magical dinner reception. It is going to be all about flowers, music, good food and getting dressed up.

We will gather the day of the wedding and do what women have done for centuries - decorate and cook for a wonderful ceremony of life. We will cut greens from our gardens; we will cook special food and come together to transform a bare, institutional room into a wedding fairy land. Each of us feels blessed to share the happy celebration. The ceremonies of life bring people together - people who might not be together except for a special occasion. No matter what one's spiritual discipline, rituals are comforting in their familiarity. Some families only see each other at weddings and funerals, but that's OK. Weddings bring not only the bride and groom together but all that love and support them.

Where's my hankie?

Dickie Anderson welcomes your comments at dickie@dickieanderson.com